4:51

My hand reaches out towards my bedside table, trying to grab my nearest OLED screen. Double tap, and there you go –  it’s 4:51 am. It’s been two hours since I woke up from my sleep,  as my mind kept listing out things I need to get back to or finish doing.

I could not read more than 10 pages today.

What happened to taking deep breaths every night? Should I not renew my headspace?

I did not schedule the call for the 9th.

Have to let the security know at the last minute about the gardener's early arrival because it slipped my mind today.

What time is he coming again? I’ll give him a ring first thing tomorrow morning. Oh, I don’t have his number. I’ll double-check with the neighbours. Oh, mum has it. Never mind, I’ll text her now before I forget. What if she wakes up because of the notification? I’ll ask her before work. No no, after work.

Did I email my poem last night? Did it meet the guidelines?

Am I losing too much hair? Or is it someone’s nazar?

When do I tell my father what needs to be said?

Should I move my bed to the other side and paint my walls green?

I shouldn’t have had two cups of coffee. Why didn’t I make the tea as usual?

Could I rock a pixie cut? With pale blonde hair?

Did I always have this mark on my arm?

Do I just sell all my wardrobe?

Does my mother secretly hate me?

When is the right time to start freezing your eggs?

Did I take my vitamin C for today?

How many of my friends would show up at my funeral?

Should I start my own YouTube channel?

Why am I so harsh on myself?

If I stop bathing tomorrow, how long will it take for people to notice?

How do I say no gracefully?

Should I order the blue yoga mat or the green?

I usually brain-dump these on my notes app or my journal, but not today. I indulged in them until my father switched off the lights in my room

and opened the curtains

to let the sunlight in.

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Cover Photo by Hazily Light. Edited by Yasmin Pesherov.